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Tuesday
Mar312009

You Just Can't Sugarcoat Crap

Receptionist:  Yes, the dentist will see you very soon

Her voice was melodic, almost as if she was giving out a present to a kid.

I sat down on one of the comfy white chairs in the brilliant white room.  The taste in design was surprisingly exquisite.  Perhaps there's something to this Asnan Clinic after all.  Neon lights were tucked in behind ledges so they stay unseen, and the lights change colors from blue, to green, to red, to violet, etc.  This was all topped off by white iMacs around the room.  They have WindowsXP installed, which sucks, but you can't expect a clinic to work on MacOS sadly.  Ah well.

I was quite relaxed.  The environment was soothing and peaceful.  I even forgot I was at a dentist!

Doctor:  Is Mr. Bojacob here?

Receptionist:  He's sitting over there.

Turning towards me was a doctor with a wide smile on his face.  His white uniform worked quite well with the environment, as I couldn't tell if he was floating or not.  Running behind him was his assistant, a tiny angel that almost has wings on her back.  I smiled wide and forgot all my dentist concerns.  Both walked towards me and I could almost imagine white pigeons flying out of their clothes.

Assistant:  Please follow me.

Me:  m'kay!

And so I followed the angels from heaven to their playhouse.  They couldn't possibly hurt me.

I walked inside and sat down in the white dentist chair.  Everything was white in here too, along with the color-changing neon lights.  I am so lucky...

Drill:  whirrrrrr.... whirrrrr...

I am .. lucky?

Doctor:  Assistant?

Assistant simply stares at my open mouth.  What was that gleam in her eyes?

Doctor:  Assistant!

She snaps out of it

Assistant:  Sorry, yes?

The doctor smiled as if he knew something.

Doctor:  Let us begin.  Hand it to me.

Assistant:  You mean....?

Doctor:  Yes .. the BANJ!

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!

Me:  Oh shit...

Doctor:  YEHAAH!  HERE WE GO!

Me: OH SHIT!

Assistant:  DO IT!  DO IT NOW!!

Doctor:  AAHAHAHAH IN YOU GO MR NEEDLE!!!

Me:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Doctor:  OH MR BOJACOB YOU ARE ALREADY A FAVORITE OF MINE NOW!  LET ME INTRODUCE MY LITTLE FRIEND!!

Me:  oh god no..no not the DRILL NNOOAAAAAARGH!!!!

Drill:  WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! GNAWWWGNAWWW

Me:  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Assistant:  YOU MISSED A SPOT YOU MISSED A SPOT!!

Doctor:  YOUR EYES!!!  THEY ARE SO WELL TRAINED!!  YES!  THIS IS WHAT I'D EXPECT FROM MY SITH APPRENTICE!!

Me:  What?  wtf ... OUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!

 

 

God damn it all :(

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Reader Comments (23)

Hilarious, my eyes are tearing up, or is it the pain of remembering my own dentist experience.

"Let me introduce you to my little friend" :-) Scarface could not have said it better.

March 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDon Veto

Wow, that's pretty bad dental phoiba. Find someone who is generous with nitrous oxide, you'll look forward to your next dental check-up!

March 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBornConfuzed

*Phobia

March 31, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBornConfuzed

Ana agool eshla3hom kelhom Oo 7e6lek q6m & 5alle9 3mrek!

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMBH

What's more painful is XP on the Macs... why.. oh why.. ;l

salamat! ;l

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterN.

Salamat LOOOOL, you have to take care of your teeth you know :D see ya soon ^^

April 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterG

lol

wat r u talking about
we dentists are wonderful ppl

April 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentereshda3wa

Dentists are always evil... never trust them.

April 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBashar

Don Veto: Hehe I think it was something like "Say hello to my leetle frieend!"

BornConfuzed: What is Nitrous Oxide, isn't that like used for cars?

MBH: mo il salfa bil teshelle3 ... aaaaaaaaargh

N.: Spoken like a true geek.

eshda3wa: Of course you all are, but just stay away from my mouth! There's a reason horror movies are made about dentists.

Bashar: Amen brother.

Blurry: Alla ysalmech! :)

April 4, 2009 | Registered CommenterBojacob

Nitrous oxide aka the laughing gas, it's an inhaled anesthetic and analgesic, basically a sedative with an added bonus of making you feel "high" =)

April 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBornConfuzed

They give anesthesia for tooth stuff?! where!

April 5, 2009 | Registered CommenterBojacob

How do you mean? Who does tooth stuff without banj? The spray then the syringe? No?!!

April 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBornConfuzed

no I mean yeah they spread that sweet tasting stuff inside your mouth which supposedly numbs everything, then get hit deep with a banj.

When is it they use that laughing gas? I sure didn't get any!

April 6, 2009 | Registered CommenterBojacob

Oh! It is not used routinely, I am not sure of the exact indications, but I know it is used for dental phobics, by demand though. Ask your dentist next time.

April 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBornConfuzed

My favorite thing is when my dentist asks me questions while there are four or five different dental implements in my mouth and expects answers!

April 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMC

LMAO haven't had a good laugh in a while now :p

April 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNomad

The horror! The HORROR! @_@

April 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenter3baid

ay 6abeeeeeb hathaa? khanshoof Qanaafat'hom

April 14, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteroutkasty

New post plz :)

May 15, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermiyafushi

It's been a while, hasn't it :)

May 18, 2009 | Registered CommenterBojacob

***PHOBIA .. I hate dentists :(

September 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngelistic

dude

this is a grade A+ post !!!

two thumbs up !

January 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAbdul-Ghaphor Hajjieh

Hey, I want to thank you for your awesome post. It manage to scare my friend. Haha. I posted it in my blog for a moment, then I made her read it. Then I deleted it. Thanks man. Maybe I should have asked for your permission earlier, but I guess I was too hyped up that I just went on. Thanks a lot. =)

February 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChinyWinny

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